"I'm Alive" -Celine Dion

I made it to Jerusalem.  I'm alive, and in major culture shock.  The extent of my knowledge of world religions so far encompasses Mormons and Southern Baptists.  Unfortunately, that will not be beneficial in the Holy Land.  My interactions with the Jewish and Muslim faiths in my life so far have been limited to the following experiences: My principal in middle school was Jewish, and although I did spend extensive time in her office, her religion wasn’t so much a matter of discussion as was my behavior.  Kosher pickles are my only other Jewish interaction.  Funny story about those little guys. On the plane when they were giving us breakfast they asked “kosher?” I obviously said no because who wants a pickle for breakfast?  Turns out, the word kosher doesn’t mean pickle.  Who knew? Oh yeah and one of my bff's is Jewish.  But not really because he's Mormon.  The extent of my knowledge of Islam is one time in fourth grade this girl in my class was Muslim and during Ramadan she accidentally ate a cracker when she was supposed to be fasting and she started crying and the teacher had to take her out in the hall and probably explain to her that she wouldn’t be thrust down to hell.  Also, there was another Muslim girl in one of my other elementary school classes named Navina.  And I hated her.  On Valentine’s day I had Bambi valentine's and I gave her the one with the skunk on it .  And I went to school one day, and she had the same pair of boots as me and I refused to ever wear them again.  Solid.

Traveling over here was approximately 5011 (fifty-leven) times worse than I thought it would be.  If you didn’t catch the reference to “Get Low” we are no longer friends.  You know the part when Lil Jon says “done been to the club about fifty-leven times.”  The same number of times I would have been since turning 21 except that my license is expired so I can’t even drive to the club let alone go 5011 times.  So about that traveling experience.  Middle seat, zone 3,  the whole way to Tel Aviv from Salt Lake.  HOLLER.  But actually don’t holler, because it sucked.  The flight from New York to Tel Aviv was easily the most painful traveling experience I have ever had.  Even  worse than the time I barfed at every rest stop from Yellowstone to Salt Lake. 

At first I got on the plane and looked through the movie and tv show collection and was beside myself.  I put away my NyQuil because there was some supes dupes poops good stuff to watch, like Christmas Vacation.  But turns out no matter how good what you are watching is, it doesn’t actually make you feel less claustrophobic.  Neither does it make your butt feel any less numb.  Luckily, I was equipped for a drug induced coma.  The kind of drug induced coma that makes you concerned you won’t wake up and you’ll wet yourself.  I took 2 NyQuil to be sure to knock me out cold.  I was drowsy and slept on and off but that made things 5011 times worse.  I would wake up and think I’d been asleep for 4 hours and wake up to find it had only been 45 minutes.    I then proceeded to take 2 Benadryl, despite my better judgment and knowledge of the dangers of mixing medications.  The medicine did not improve my sleeping situations; however, it did make me feel like I was going to projectile vomit everywhere.  Not only was I drugged to all hell but it was the middle of the night, so I should have slept effortlessly.  I am still baffled.  I never have trouble sleeping.  I can sleep anytime anywhere.  and Benadryl always knocks me out.  It was the most frustrating thing of my life.  My inability to sleep was completely against my personal code of conduct.  It also defied modern medicine.  I should still be in a drug induced coma.  The only conceivable explanation is all those years of sleeping through seminary every morning came back with a vengeance.  Kids.  Don’t be a brat in seminary.  You will pay for it. 

We got to the Jerusalem center around 5 pm Wednesday after a solid 24 hours of traveling.  They gave us a tour, fed us, and then made us go to class.  I wanted to die.  Jet lag is not cute.  And neither is going to class when all you want to do is sleep. That night it snowed and our room was freezing.  I slept pretty good regardless because I was so tired.  I slept through the call of prayer and everything.  But I slept in the fetal position to try to stay warmer and my lower back just hasn’t been the same ever since.  I can’t stand up all the way.  The hunchback look complements the jet lag nicely.

Thursday and Friday we had class and meetings and I slept at every possible opportunity.  Including during class and meetings.  Jet lag is the worst thing to happen to me since that perm I got back in 4th grade.  So far I feel like I’m at EFY with a buttload of homework.  And gross food.  And the call to prayer freaks me out.  Even more than trains.  Jerusalem obviously doesn't have noise ordinances.

I am experiencing severe America withdrawals.  Not being patriotic is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  And so is not eating American food.  And missing basketball season.  And not being able to call and text (although I can text using wifi to other iPhones.  So if you have an iPhone shoot me some iMessages).  That’s all I’ll say at the risk that the rest will sound like complaining.

Today is the Sabbath.  Or Shabbat.  Church is on Saturdays here.  So I got ready for church and went up for breakfast and walked into the cafeteria and all of a sudden I got hit with the sickies.  I proceeded into the food area because I thought maybe I should eat a toast  (someone please show these to Amy, she will so proud that I called it "a toast").  But when I saw all the food I literally almost projectile vomited everywhere.  I know I throw around the phrase “I am going to throw up everywhere” a lot.  Mainly when anything disagreeable happens.  But this time was for reals.  I ran out of there and dry heaved in a few bushes on my way to my room.  Not cute.  I got back in bed and slept for 5 hours.  It was great.  What was not great was I everyone went to the Garden Tomb and I couldn’t.  And I’ve been DYING to get out of this building.  But it’s okay because people go every Sabbath and we get to explore the Old City tomorrow.  I'm super excited.  Shawarma and Jesus sandals coming at ya!