I made it to Jerusalem. I'm alive, and in major culture shock. The extent of my knowledge of world religions
so far encompasses Mormons and Southern Baptists. Unfortunately, that will not be beneficial in
the Holy Land. My interactions with the
Jewish and Muslim faiths in my life so far have been limited to the following
experiences: My principal in middle school was Jewish, and although I did spend
extensive time in her office, her religion wasn’t so much a matter of discussion
as was my behavior. Kosher pickles are
my only other Jewish interaction. Funny
story about those little guys. On the plane when they were giving us breakfast
they asked “kosher?” I obviously said no because who wants a pickle for
breakfast? Turns out, the word kosher doesn’t
mean pickle. Who knew? Oh yeah and one of my bff's is Jewish. But not really because he's Mormon. The extent of my
knowledge of Islam is one time in fourth grade this girl in my class was Muslim
and during Ramadan she accidentally ate a cracker when she was supposed to be
fasting and she started crying and the teacher had to take her out in the hall
and probably explain to her that she wouldn’t be thrust down to hell. Also, there was another Muslim girl in one of my other elementary school classes named Navina. And I
hated her. On Valentine’s day I had Bambi valentine's and I gave her the one with the skunk on it . And I went to school one day, and she had the
same pair of boots as me and I refused to ever wear them again. Solid.
Traveling over here was approximately 5011 (fifty-leven)
times worse than I thought it would be.
If you didn’t catch the reference to “Get Low” we are no longer
friends. You know the part when Lil Jon
says “done been to the club about fifty-leven times.”
The same number of times I would have been since turning 21 except that
my license is expired so I can’t even drive to the club let alone go 5011
times. So about that traveling
experience. Middle seat, zone 3, the whole way to Tel Aviv from Salt Lake. HOLLER.
But actually don’t holler, because it sucked. The flight from New York to Tel Aviv was
easily the most painful traveling experience I have ever had. Even
worse than the time I barfed at every rest stop from Yellowstone to Salt
Lake.
At first I got on the plane and looked through the movie and
tv show collection and was beside myself.
I put away my NyQuil because there was some supes dupes poops good stuff to watch, like Christmas Vacation. But turns
out no matter how good what you are watching is, it doesn’t actually make you
feel less claustrophobic. Neither does
it make your butt feel any less numb.
Luckily, I was equipped for a drug induced coma. The kind of drug induced coma that makes you
concerned you won’t wake up and you’ll wet yourself. I took 2 NyQuil to be sure to knock me out
cold. I was drowsy and slept on and off
but that made things 5011 times worse. I
would wake up and think I’d been asleep for 4 hours and wake up to find it had
only been 45 minutes. I then proceeded to take 2 Benadryl, despite
my better judgment and knowledge of the dangers of mixing medications. The medicine did not improve my sleeping
situations; however, it did make me feel like I was going to projectile vomit
everywhere. Not only was I drugged to
all hell but it was the middle of the night, so I should have slept
effortlessly. I am still baffled. I never have trouble sleeping. I can sleep anytime anywhere. and Benadryl always knocks me out. It was the most frustrating thing of my life. My inability to sleep was completely against
my personal code of conduct. It also
defied modern medicine. I should still
be in a drug induced coma. The only
conceivable explanation is all those years of sleeping through seminary every morning
came back with a vengeance. Kids. Don’t be a brat in seminary. You will pay for it.
We got to the Jerusalem center around 5 pm Wednesday after a
solid 24 hours of traveling. They gave
us a tour, fed us, and then made us go to class. I wanted to die. Jet lag is not cute. And neither is going to class when all you
want to do is sleep. That night it snowed and our room was freezing. I slept pretty good regardless because I was
so tired. I slept through the call of
prayer and everything. But I slept in
the fetal position to try to stay warmer and my lower back just hasn’t been the
same ever since. I can’t stand up all
the way. The hunchback look complements
the jet lag nicely.
Thursday and Friday we had class and meetings and I slept at
every possible opportunity. Including during
class and meetings. Jet lag is the worst thing to happen to me since that perm I got back in 4th grade. So far I feel
like I’m at EFY with a buttload of homework.
And gross food. And the
call to prayer freaks me out. Even more than trains. Jerusalem obviously doesn't have noise ordinances.
I am experiencing severe America withdrawals. Not being patriotic is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And so is not eating American food. And missing basketball season. And not being able to call and text (although I can text using wifi to other iPhones. So if you have an iPhone shoot me some iMessages). That’s all I’ll say at the risk that the rest will sound like complaining.
I am experiencing severe America withdrawals. Not being patriotic is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And so is not eating American food. And missing basketball season. And not being able to call and text (although I can text using wifi to other iPhones. So if you have an iPhone shoot me some iMessages). That’s all I’ll say at the risk that the rest will sound like complaining.
Today is the Sabbath.
Or Shabbat. Church is on
Saturdays here. So I got ready for
church and went up for breakfast and walked into the cafeteria and all of a sudden I got hit with the sickies. I
proceeded into the food area because I thought maybe I should eat a toast (someone please show these to Amy, she will so proud that I called it "a toast"). But when I saw all the food I literally
almost projectile vomited everywhere. I
know I throw around the phrase “I am going to throw up everywhere” a lot. Mainly when anything disagreeable happens. But this time was for reals. I ran out of there and dry heaved in a few
bushes on my way to my room. Not cute. I got back in bed and slept for 5 hours. It was great. What was not great
was I everyone went to the Garden Tomb and I couldn’t. And I’ve been DYING to get out of this
building. But it’s okay because people
go every Sabbath and we get to explore the Old City tomorrow. I'm super excited. Shawarma and Jesus sandals coming at ya!
