What time is it? It's Valentimes!

Valentine's Day is great.  Contrary to popular belief, it was not invented for Hallmark to sell mass amount of sappy cards, for mediocre chocolate companies to make yearly sales, to keep the local flower shop in business, or to identify the single, bitter population of the world.  Valentine's Day is in fact celebrated to honor the Christian Saint Valentine who is famous for secretly performing marriages for soldiers, or something like that.  That's about as far as I got into the history because the Wikipedia page on the history of Valentine's was real confusing.  But fun fact.  Valentine's Day is an international holiday.  However, many Muslims don't celebrate it.  And in Saudi Arabia in 2011 the selling of Valentine paraphernalia (chocolates, flowers, candlelit dinners, the little hearts with the messages like "2 Cute" and "Be Mine",etc.) was banned.  Not so fun fact. Valentine's Day is a working holiday.  What a travesty.

Valentine's day at the Jerusalem center has been real great.  We had a Valentine's dance.  It was rumored that there would be nothing but slow songs.  I was really looking forward to it because I love the awkwardness of the Mormon teapot, standard works distance apart dance.  But the girls were wigging out because there are only 20 or so boys and about 60 girls, so about 2/3 of the girls each song would be involuntary wall flowers.  But my question is, how is that different from any other church dance?  But unfortunately the dance had zero slow songs.  Other great thing about Valentine's Day at the Jerusalem center was dinner.  On the menu under dinner for today all it said was American Food.  And someone so kindly drew an American flag beneath it and wrote and I quote "For Nikki".  They spelled my name wrong, but I wasn't even upset.  The American meal was dedicated to me.  I shed one single tear.  Which landed on my freedom fry (AKA French fries for all you liberal commies) and salted it perfectly.  The food was mediocre at best, and if it were a month and a half ago, no doubt I would not have touched it.  But when life gives you American food, you eat it.  Regardless of what a terrible misrepresentation it may be.

Here are my thoughts on Valentine's Day:

1) Valentimes is serious times.  Teen Girl Squad Episode 12-Vamlumtime's Day.  As of late I have reverted back to my middle school days and have been spending a significant amount of time at homestarrunner.com.  The lack of YouTube contributes largely to this, as does the need for frequent breaks from my biblical studies.  Please take the 3 minutes to watch this.  It will be 180 seconds well spent.
http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgs12.html



2) Flowers are great.  My roommate bought flowers and I came home from class and there was one laying on my bed, all cute like.  Plus it was a flower of the gerbera daisy AKA African daisy variety, which are one of my personal faves. I used to think flowers were the stupidest gift ever.  You get them, and then they die a few days later.  Once my dad bought me a bouquet after my talent show in elementary school and I was real bummed that it wasn't a bouqet of DQ Dilly Bars.  And then my mom put then in my dresser in my room and my main interaction with them was trying to see if I could get my fish to eat them.  The guinea pigs ate them gladly so the element of fun with that household pet and my flowers were minimal.  But luckily, my appreciation for flowers has since grown significantly.  This can be traced solely to my enrollment in Floral Design.  If you haven't taken that class I would HIGHLY recommend it.  The teacher is a riot.  Plus you learn lots of handy things like how to make bridal bouquets, boutineers, corsages, and relief society centerpieces.  It is a real economic investment.  Also, that class made me realize my post-retirement calling in life.  I'm going to work in a flower shop.  Try having a bad day at work at one of those places.  "The exceptionally rich hue of the new shipment of hydrangeas totally threw off my color schemes, and the birds of paradise were so exquisite that they withdrew from the arrangement's focal point.  And don't even get me started on the excessively sweet scent of the new lilacs, or the song birds that keep flying in the shop to drink of the flowers sweet nectar."  What a life it will be.

3) Valentine's Day is great for those of us who have difficulties with showing emotion and affection.  I get to give out Valentine's that are mainly a joke, but that also say "Hey, I care about you and value my relationship with you" without actually having to say "Hey, I care about you and value my relationship with you."  Because actually saying those words would makes me feel real uncomfortable.

4) Valentine's Day is the only holiday that I can think of that evokes such a broad range of emotions.  For those of you woe-be-me's who have transformed Valentine's Day into "Single's Awareness Day" or "National Pity Party Day", I have have a two-word sermon for you: STOP IT.  For those of you disrespectors of my gag reflex, please apply the following: STOP IT.   No one likes a gushy, sappster.  There is a reason why no one (besides my mother) listens to the radio station that plays Delilah's love songs after dark.  No matter how great your significant other is, I frankly do not care.  Your significant other is off the market, so please quit trying to sell them to me.  Valentine's Day is in fact not the QVC network.  Nor is it a day that makes PDA any more acceptable.

5) Valentine's Day is great because you give, and receive Valentine's!  Unlike Christmas, it is okay to be all about receiving.  Valentine's Day in elementary school was great.  Decorating those mailboxes and scribbling my name on a bunch of Valentines, then plastering a Pixie Stick on them were some of the greatest days of my life.So was going through the class list and choosing which Valentine to give to whom- mainly giving the real cool ones to your friends, and giving the leftovers from last years Valentines and sometimes cards that correspond to the opposite gender of the recipient to everyone else.  Contrary to belief, the joy of giving out Valentine's doesn't have to end in elementary school.  In fact, it only gets better.  After elementary school you are no longer mandated to give one to everyone.  Plus the Valentines are typically more meaningful, and the candy of a higher caliber.

In the absence of YouTube, my typical study break, I have gotten really into looking up funny Valentine's.  When I say really into it, I mean really into it.  The ones posted are only a fraction of the number I found.  Because I can't individually send these Valentine's, specifically tailored to you, for fear of the Internet police shutting me down for sending large amounts of data over the world wide web, I have added them below.  Warning: some of them may not be funny to you.  Probably because it was not intended for you.  Also, probably because I think everything is funny.  And because as someone kindly put it the other day, I have an "innovative nature."  AKA I'm weird.  Or as my dad would say, I'm a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

One of my faves.

It won't be a proper blog post without a jab at Obama.

My ideal valentine? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.

By no means does this mean I hate Obama any less.  I just thought it was hysterical.

After a while I got real innovative and started making my own.  Warning: some of them aren't very funny.  I mainly was just real bored and needed something to do.  Creativity does not always accompany boredom.

 

 

My most sincere Valentine.

And my true Valentine:

This one probably won't actually make sense to you unless you follow NASCAR.  Or live in Mooresville, NC.  Regardless, you should be able to draw some appreciation from the attractiveness of the subject matter.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE.  I LOVE YOU!

ooXXooXoXXx
Hug hug, kiss kiss, hug hug, big kiss,little hug, kiss kiss, little kiss.